Boy, have I heard that many times over the past 20 years of ministry. And I believe I finally got it! There is a scripture that says that if we get a divorce and remarry, we commit adultery. So… for a person who takes this scripture to heart, they will not get a divorce, but stay in a horrible relationship, for fear of the sin of adultery if they remarry. What bondage! I’m not advocating divorce, but what is the greater sin? To stay with someone in strife (remember, where strife is there is every evil thing) or separate? And by the way, separation for a time is godly. Or… if we remarry… which is the greater sin.. to remarry or stay in an unloving strife filled relationship?
Now this doesn’t mean we go from relationship to relationship, because there is more going on here. We need to get our hearts purified before the Lord, and begin looking “at the man in the mirror” and see if any of this “strife” in life is coming from us. We need to forgive and love everyone, even our spouses (go figure). And it’s only when we have done ALL we know to do… and nothing has changed… that we may need to make some hard decisions.
Yes, perhaps, you may stay single…. and that is okay. Or again… after a time, you may remarry… and that is okay. But don’t get ahead of yourself and think of the future just yet. Stay in the moment, do what you know to do TODAY… and let God take care of tomorrow. Don’t fear what may happen, the what if’s in your relationships… be all you can be today with the power and strength from the Lord, come clean before him in your own heart, then you will see clearly to make decisions later on.
I want to share a Bible story: Jacob and Esau were brothers. Esau was the eldest. One day, Esau was very hungry and about to die, when he saw his brother Jacob making some food. So he begged Jacob to feed him… but Jacob said he would if he sold him his birthright. Esau thought, no matter, I will be dead if I don’t eat, and what will the birthright do for me when I’m dead? So he agreed, ate food, and regained his strength. See, since he was the oldest, he would be promised a blessing from their father upon his death-bed.
Well, payment time was due, and things went into motion that brought this to pass. When their father was dying, Jacob pretended he was Esau, and because their father was blind, didn’t see who it was, but laid his hand on Jacob and blessed him. So then later on, Esau came to see his father and asked to be blessed. But his father said, “Weren’t you just here? It appears I gave your blessing to your brother.” Esau begged for a blessing too… and his father gave him one, but it was not as good as the one he gave his brother, as a matter of fact, he was even going to serve his brother. Esau entered into bitterness from that moment on. So much so that Jacob fled for his life… and over the years, Jacob became rich. But, so did Esau!
This is the morale of that story as the Holy Spirit showed me… Even though Esau didn’t get God’s BEST for him, he still got blessed! And I’ve seen this in my own life. I have been married several times, and yet today I am the happiest married person I know. My ministry is awesome, people are being healed and restored, my son and his family have become very close to me, my husband is the most amazing man on this planet, I have a beautiful home… well, to coin a phrase, “A wonderful life.” I am truly blessed, and really, I don’t know what I am missing, if anything. As I was reflecting on that story, I’m like Esau. I got blessed, but my blessings could have been greater. Perhaps a world-wide known ministry like Joyce Meyer, perhaps other things… not sure… I’ll never know. But that is our God… He doesn’t show us what we are missing… He helps us live with what we have, as He works ALL for good for those who love Him.
To end the story of Jacob and Esau… both had great lives! And in the end, they were both restored to one another as brothers, because of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the only thing that will restore anything to us. Even when Job was restored of all he lost, it came when he repented for his sin of fear and pride. Forgiveness is key.
I have another story. I know a woman who was married to a drug addict, 20+ years younger than her. She was with him for some time when she called me on the phone. She had heard about my ministry and so called me, I never met her before. Before the call was over, she had told me she had been married 3 times before… but a widow with all, and now married to this man. (She obviously had fear of being alone.) And now she felt she was stuck with this man because she read in her Bible that “God hates divorce.” Well…. I was able to share some valuable truths with her… and a few months later I got a call. She said that she got a divorce, without any fear… (she feared the man so that is why she let him stay), and it ended peacefully, more than she ever would have expected. She got a job, and a new car and a couple of dogs! She attends a good church in the area and is very happy. She is still single, but open to marriage again one day. She got her life back. She made a hard choice and decided to be alone rather than be in a toxic relationship.
So what has this all to do with not wanting to be alone? It means that no matter what choice you make, God will work it for good. Esau made a poor choice when selling his birthright, but he was still blessed in his life. And me, I married so many times, made other poor life-changing choices, but God still blessed me with a wonderful life and ministry, because I repented and learned what it means to be loved by Him unconditionally. And now because of all that He’s done for me, I’ve been able to help many world-wide. There was a happy ending… and there is one for you too.
One of the reasons we don’t make choices like this is because we “fear” we are going to disappoint God. If we understood God’s unconditional love, you would see He could never be disappointed with you… (But that is a whole other teaching). Suffice to say, when we are rooted and grounded in God’s love, fear will be a thing of the past… because perfect love casts out fear. And when we make choices, it will be out of love and faith, not fear and doubt.
It is your choice. Like I said, I was married several times… but I also know that I was a “mess” inside and couldn’t hold a relationship down because I didn’t even have one with myself! So I had a lot of work to do in my life. And when I caught the truth… I’ve been married now for 22 years!! And to a wonderful husband. Do you know why? Because the Lord healed my own heart so that I could SEE I was married to a wonderful husband. Because for the first 9 years, I was unable to “receive” my husband’s love. But God gave him a vision and hope to stick to it, and I popped out on the other side. My husband waited for me… some of you just need to wait… some of you just need to leave… but you will never know until you get rid of anything in your heart (bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, fear, … sins…) so that you have a clean heart to make clear and right decisions for your life.
You have one life to live… Live it in truth. And when we stay with someone we are afraid of, or who is hateful to us, or that we can’t stand.. I’ll show you someone who isn’t being truthful.
So as we look back on the Jacob and Esau story, yes, you may make some decisions that may hinder God’s best for you… but know that when you choose to forgive and repent for your own sins, God’s blessings are still there… just perhaps in another way.
Get unstuck today. Make some hard choices that you already know you are supposed to do…. put your confidence and faith in God, and trust that He will work all for good. Fear not, only believe.