I was reading through some of my prayer requests the other day and came across this one, which I think may bless someone out there today. Here it is: Just help me be all I can be in you, so that I am not sharp or rude when people come into my life, unexpectedly. I want more love to come out, not selfishness and disapproval.
Journal entry May 2008… I wanted to walk in love more so that when unexpected things would come in my life, I would respond with love, peace and patience, not disapproval or inconvenience. Even though I was helping countless hundreds find freedom and peace and restoration, I was still battling something inside of me. And it was when someone would enter my “space” unexpectedly, like when I had to wait in lines, traffic jams, phone calls, and even my family coming into my office when I was working on a book or ministry materials, my first response would be of “irritation.” After all, I was busy! But I knew this immediate response was not right. It caused the other person to feel rejection, or offended or hurt, and that’s not what I wanted. My whole ministry is to help people who have been hurt, I don’t want to be the one hurting anyone. But I just didn’t know how to change it.
Then three years later, on October 16th, 2011, it all came to a head, as the Lord orchestrated the events of the day, that led up to seeing what was at the root of all this… He showed me it was self-pity. I was floored, I didn’t even know I had self-pity. So when I got a revelation on that, confessed to Him I was under the influence of that spirit, and asked the Lord to remove it, He did… my heart changed almost immediately and I had to go and tell my husband I was sorry for poisoning him with my negative responses toward him. From that point on, and it is still growing, the Lord is filling me up with compassion and care, contentment and peace because self-pity is not there… self-pity is self-serving and will block us from living the life we desire! And now it is gone… praise the Lord. But it could only happen when I realized I had it, and repented for it. The truth truly made me free. I like the saying, “The truth makes you free, but first it’s going to make you miserable.” Because it wasn’t easy and fun realizing I had self-pity… who wants that? But realizing it was something at work IN me, and NOT me… I was able to come face to face with it and let God remove it.
This is segment of my journal that I thought would bless someone today. It blessed me, as I see the work God has done and is still doing in my life concerning self-pity. If you want to find the revelation yourself, you’ll need to pick up the book called, “Exposing the spirit of self-pity” by Caspar McCloud. Caspar is a good friend of mine, and co-author of a book we wrote together called, “What Was I Thinking?”, and it was while editing this book on self-pity that the Lord spoke to me and answered my prayer request from 3 years earlier. Because we don’t want to act ugly, we want to respond with true kindness… but as long as self-pity is there, it won’t let us… Hopefully it won’t take you 3 years…. it reminds me of David, it took him one year to realize He was in sin about transgressing against the Lord… yikes! So really, it’s the same thing… we are transgressing against the Lord when we entertain the spirit of self-pity.
Tags: negative responses, self pity
