Archive for October, 2011

God loves a mess

October 19, 2011

I went into the kitchen this morning to make some breakfast, and looked around the counters and living room and saw that it was a bit messy. I said, “I love a mess, because I love cleaning it up.” Hey, sounds like God. He loves messes, and He loves cleaning them up. I guess I’m a chip off the old block.

I laughed too, because I’ve even wanted to walk along the side of the road and pick up the garbage. I know, a bit strange, but it’s in me to clean things up, if it’s in my power to do it. But I have to stop when I start cleaning up where I am not to clean up. It’s when people come into my life who  need help, that I try getting in there and fixing them. I don’t any longer, and know that fine line, and send them to the Lord for the clean up!



What has you?

October 17, 2011

Well, I don’t know what is eating you, but I finally know what has been eating me, little pieces at a time without my even knowing it! It’s like that frog in the water thingee… if you put a frog in cold water and then slowly heat it up, it won’t know it’s being boiled to death!

For the past several weeks, the Lord has been working on me about something, but I didn’t know what it was… I just knew something was stirring as I saw evidences of my attitude not being so good. I knew then He was up to something. He was getting at something deep inside me because I found myself frustrated, which hasn’t happened for a long time, I had complained and murmured about people, and would feel angry for no apparent reason. I didn’t like being like this, but from time to time, these things would surface.
Today is a new day, and the Lord has finally helped me get to the  root of all this.
Now, I share this with you because it could help someone, but it’s embarrassing, now that I know what it is because no one wants to admit to it… (Just mentioning I was embarrassed showed me how deceived I really was… because being embarrassed is a manifestation of pride… and an intricate part of this issue.)
Then yesterday Tom and I were driving to the store and I reached out to hold his hand and when I did, something came up in my, a deep rage, without any provocation at all, no thoughts, nothing, just came up. I didn’t react to it, just felt it… It manifested in my chest… like a weight was sitting on me. I began telling Tom that something rose up in me. As I talked to Tom about it we both asked the Lord to remove it even though we didn’t know what it was, it just had to go. Then within minutes, I felt it move up to my neck. We both knew that it was a spirit of some kind, and so continued asking God to remove it.
See, I know people who argue the fact that an evil spirit can have a Christian… well, here is proof of that possibility, as it was moving around inside me. It wasn’t just a thought, it was an actual being present within me that wasn’t me. As we continued praying, it rose to my head… and with that we were at the store, and I put that aside. I noticed as I was in the store that my patience level was at an all time low…  I even got frustrated, which was very surprising because I love talking with people and blessing them in line, etc., but what was taking place was this thing was rising to the top and acting out… It wasn’t even me!
Let me add here that a week prior, the Holy Spirit helped me see that I had been blaming Tom for about 6 years on a decision he made, and now that decision has come around again to mess with us. I harbored blame towards him, and so I actually forgave him right then and there and let that situation finally go.
The Lord kept revealing little things like this to me, but we still didn’t know what was going on with me, and we didn’t know what it was that was working in me, but we both wanted it out. So we prayed Lord, continue getting this thing out of me, we don’t know what it is, but we know you do, and we trust You to complete the work.
Then last night as I was editing a booklet for someone called “The Spirit of Self-Pity,” when all of a sudden something triggered in me and I felt that heaviness leave me. It was like a pimple popped or something, and it popped out. There was nothing dramatic about it, no yelling, no coughing, it just left!
Within minutes I had a heart change…  It was a spirit of self-pity! Self-pity had a hold on me and I didn’t even know it. Actually, that is one of its tactics… keep you in the dark so he stays in the dark. He doesn’t even mind if you see a little of him, and even repent for self-pity, but he is still quite there.. lurking and hiding. But now I saw him. I couldn’t see him while he was in me, because he was good at blinding me, but now I see so clearly and realized how much havoc it played in my life.
Something I need to point out is that I didn’t have to know its name for the Lord to remove it. I knew something was amiss in my life, and gave God permission to remove it. He did tell me what it was “after” He removed it. I’ve seen another instance in my life with a “religious spirit” that left me. Tom and I found ourself in a situation where something arose in me again, we didn’t know what it was, but asked the Lord to remove it as we demanded it to leave in Jesus name too… then it literally popped out, but didn’t know its name until it left!
With self-pity, I could see when others had it and even saw traces of it my life, but not until now seeing how much it had a hold of my life.
I share this with you because as a Christian, it was a spirit that was in me… I felt it leave… There may be some of you believing that a Christian cannot have an evil spirit, but this is my testimonial, and the Bible says that we overcome the enemy by the blood of the lamb and our testimony. And so my testimony of what happened is just as powerful as the blood of the lamb! Both working together defeats the enemy.
So this morning as I’m writing this blog, there is an overwhelming peace… I am now looking forward to the days ahead as the Lord uses me to further the gospel without self-pity getting in the way!
So how do you know when you have self-pity? Here are some indicators:
When you want others to see what you did (accomplishments, etc.). Like a little kid who says, “mommie come see what I made.” Ouch! Other indicators are that you complain and grumble about people and things. I realized that over the years I had poisoned Tom’s mind towards people… not on purpose or deliberately, but realized why he formed negative opinions of people he didn’t know… it came from me! So I asked Him to forgive me. Another biggee is being discontent. Not content with what you have, always wanting more or something different. Driven to achieve, get, and do more. Wanting something out of reach and consumed with getting it. This can also become an addiction if not handled. Other things are self-consumption (thinking about how things affect you), isolation, unthankful, victimized, blame others, confusion, suspicious, snappy, angry, fearful, stubborn, controlling and manipulation, self-deception, denial, what about me mentality, unforgiveness, bitterness, shame, pride, lying, fear of man… well, you get the picture, about everything imaginable, because the Bible says where strife is, is every evil thing. And I can tell you that self-pity breeds strife! Never content, can’t enjoy the moment, always out there stirring something up. Hard to get along with, sharp and rude…
You may be like me, these things aren’t always apparent nor an everyday occurrence, but from time to time it would rear its ugly face… and all the good we do is undone by this spirit. You know how it is, you can do a million things right, but people only remember the one thing you do wrong and it sticks!
Well, praise the Lord, God orchestrated each detail of my life to where He could deliver me! As I looked back on what took place it was like every thing that happened was a piece of the puzzle…  no accidents, no happenstances, all divinely created with one thing in mind, to help free me from what had me!
Now that the spirit was exposed and was cast out, now the work begins! Yes, I have a calming in my spirit, but now my thoughts have to be retrained NOT to think like it. So it’s going to be fun working on this with the Lord as old thoughts arise, I can now take those thoughts captive (instead of them taking me captive) and cast them down and mediate on the truth alone. Stay tuned….
Update already:   I saw that I was able to let something go that truly consumed my life… I desired something that, in my power was out of reach, so I was actually able to let it Go.. that is true freedom! Self-pity kept me glued to it!!!  I even spoke out of my mouth that I am actually happy with what I have, and how much I have…  couldn’t say that before!  I give all praise to God… He loving purged me in His timing, in His way, with His compassion, long-suffering, gentleness and kindness…  I’m so glad He’s the Almighty God…  and knows how to handle each and every one of our situations…

Is your situation or issue unique?

October 16, 2011

I’ve been in ministry for many man years, and I come across many people who believe their situation, circumstance, issue or illness is very unique, and no one else could have gone through what they have. And they truly believe it. Many don’t think they can get any help because no one really  understands their problems.

Can I share a scripture?  “There is nothing new under the sun.” Whatever you think you have that is unique, it’s not. There are hundreds if not thousands before you and coming after you that has had these very things. We need to understand that the enemy wants us to believe that we are unique but in a lonely and isolated way. God wants us to know we are unique, but in a strong, good and fruitful way.

So if you feel alone in your dis-ease or situation, stop and take a look at what God says about it. Jesus was tempted and experienced everything known to man in those 3 years he was on this planet. So you have to realize that someone does understand. It may not be the preacher or the teacher or your parents, but Jesus is acquainted with your stuff completely.

What I realized is that self-pity plays a huge role in this thought process. “I’m the only one who has this, no one understands what I’m going through, they don’t know what they did to me, etc.” Sound familiar? That is coming from a spirit of self-pity. A friend of mine, Caspar McCloud just did series on self-pity, I encourage you to download it and listen to it, even if you don’t think you have it… because it is very sneaky. Go to: and hear for yourself.

But the truth is this, our situation is not unique and different than anyone elses… start believing the truth so you can dig out of the pit the enemy has cast you into. Someone who feels alone and isolated is pickins’ for the devil… Stop today, take back your life, get rid of the self-pity that keeps you bound to the past, and live today. Faith is now… not yesterday and not tomorrow, you have everything you need to live today.. let go of the wrongs done to you, let go of what people said, let go of the fact that you had to take care of yourself growing up, let go of the fact you were abandoned and rejected, and start over today! God’s mercies are new every morning…  Take them… breathe again, and enjoy the REST of your life!

When to leave and when to stay

October 7, 2011

There have been many people asking me what to do when they have an abusive spouse. No one can tell them what to do, because they know what to do, they just don’t want to do it. When people get confused, it’s because they don’t want to do what they already know to do. They are looking for another answer.

So, we need to ask ourself this question: What is keeping me in this relationship?  Duty? Fear? Love?

Depending on the answer, you will know what to do and what not to do.

Here’s the thing, God works with ALL our decisions…  and walks with us THROUGH them…  He helps us with patience, peace, forgiving, etc…  but He has never intended us to be tormented as we are… Jeremiah 5:25 says that we prevent good things from happening to us because of our sins and iniquities. Isaiah 59:1-2 says basically the same thing…

So since ‘good’ things are not apparantly happening to you, what could be the sin here? And yes, the “victim” could be carrying sins too.

I believe it is fear. Fear of rejection, abandonment, fear of having a nervous breakdown, fear of the spouse, fear of God not changing things or changing them in ways you don’t want, fear God has abandoned them, fear of not having provision, fear of the future, fear, fear fear.  These are the things that need to be repented for. God is love… and it appears if you are not in a loving relationship nor able to see God’s love in all this, you will be in fear, because perfect love casts out fear.

If you choose to stay in this relationship, here are some tips:

1) Stop talking about them and your situation. If you keep complaining about it, you’ll “remain” in it.
2) Start every morning by thanking God for loving you. (I’ve seen more spouses change, situations change, when one or the other simply started taking God at His word, that He is love.)
3)  Stay clean before God every night… confess your own short comings and sins. Be honest in every area of your life. Even be honest with your spouse in ALL things. Get everything out on the table… God cannot work with fear, lying or deceit. (He can use anything to do His will, but the truth will speed it up.)
4)  Forgive yourself AND forgive your spouse, daily. The enemy has told us over and over that this is hard to do. God has equipped you to do ALL that He asks of you, and has given you the power to do it. He wouldn’t ask you to do anything that you couldn’t do!
5) As you pray for your spouse, don’t complain the prayer… Simply thank God for taking care of the situation and giving you wisdom on what to do about it and to keep you strong and filled with His power and might to “patiently-endure.”

As you do these things, 1 of 3 things will happen: God will change your heart, God will change your spouses heart, or God will remove one of you from the relationship – which can be through many avenues. Only God can heal a relationship, so we need to start allowing Him the freedom to do so. When we do our part, God can do His.

Yes, God can change people… I’ve seen marriages restored which were on the brink of divorce…  but it’s going to take God’s love in you for you, and your love and forgiveness towards others each and every day with each and every offense. When we truly forgive others from our heart, we are actually developing a merciful heart concerning them.

Let’s start today by learning to truly forgive… (If you need further help on loving and forgiving, go to my website at and to hear God clearly for our situation. Not through past pains, wrongs done, or hurt, but through the truth. By you being truthful with God first and foremost, then with yourself, you can then be honest with your spouse, which will help in your situation. I’m not sure what will come out of your situation, but these simple measures will help increase that in the end, only good will come out of it all because God blesses those who walk in truth.

Tillman Story

October 7, 2011

I had to share my heart on this story that I watched on BIO.  It’s about the football player who went overseas to fight in the war and was killed by friendly fire. There is a lot of speculation on what really happened… but that’s not what I wanted to talk about here.

During the funeral ceremony, his brother got up and told everyone that his brother did NOT believe in God.. He’s just dead…  He was athiest.

Well, the way he died was that his head was completely blown off!

As I thought on that I had such a heaviness in my heart for him. I began talking to the Lord and said, “Father, he was truly an athiest… but did he have time to call on you before he died? But it was so sudden, he didn’t have time. I think he’s in hell…” I was expressing my thoughts on it with the Lord for some time, and just carried a heaviness in my heart throughout my morning. Then I recalled a story in the Bible where one of the brothers went to hell and he asked if he could go back up and warn his brothers… and he was told no… because if they didn’t believe Jesus when he rose from the dead, why would they believe him?  So I kept mulling things like this over and over.

Then as I sat at my computer and started working on some teaching materials, researching scriptures on a website, one just jumped out at me!! It was right in front of my eyes… Found in Matthew 5:29-31  9And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. 30And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

And my heart was glad…  I know this sounds gross…. but the way this individual died was that his head was cut off!   The very part of his body that was preventing him from getting into heaven because his “mind” didn’t believe… I just knew then that he was with the Lord… somehow during those moments, the Lord saved him… my peace was restored and I went about my day.

See, I truly believe God’s desire is to save ALL men… and I’ve heard stories of people dying and coming back to life who have actually gone to hell, but then was yanked out of it and put back into their bodies for another chance… and of course, they took it and were converted. So I believe the same is true for those who didn’t get a chance to come back. I believe in transition some how, they acknowledged Jesus… and were let in. God is merciful, and loving, and kind. So that’s what I choose to believe.

Out of the mouth…

October 7, 2011

I had been learning alot about the words we speak and how we need to learn to stop saying things we don’t want to say. I don’t know about you, but I had problems in that area. I would say things and then immediately wished I never said it. I tried the 10 second rule… think before you speak… but it didn’t always work! Cause I would think about it, and still say it!! So I decided to stop and ask God why I said everything that comes into my head?

We all know the scripture that says, “The tongue of man is deadly poison, who can tame it?” But that shouldn’t be an excuse for us not to try and do something about it… I don’t like hurting people, I don’t do it on purpose, but sometimes what I say cuts to the heart! I get mad at myself, I say I’m sorry, but if it keeps happening, after awhile, saying  “I’m Sorry”, isn’t going to work.

So as I asked the Lord about this, this is what He said.  “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” The word I want to emphasize on is “abundance.” Because, you and I both know that we have good things and bad things in our heart and mind. But what we are MOSTLY full of – that abundance – is what falls out of our mouth.

As the Lord and I continued in conversation, He asked me, “What are you filling your head with everyday? What are you reading? Who are you listening to?” And as I thought on that, it’s true that I haven’t been keeping my  mind on things above 24/7. I had some repenting to do. Then during that repenting and talking with the Lord, I said, “Father, I just want to live IN Your Kingdom here on earth.” And that request started something that I never dreamed possible. (Read the blog called “I am not in control” to get the full picture)  As I wrote this blog before that one.

I noticed now as I’m out and about my day, running into people, I am enjoying them, not getting irritated with them any longer. I’m talking to them more than I ever have before, finding opportunity to bless them, and even making decisions for my life without “fear of man.” What I mean is that many times we do things because of being afraid of rejection or what people may think, even though we know it to be something we are to do and say. Well, now that I’m walking in the Kingdom on Earth (as I shared in the “I am not in control” blog), there is no fear of man there. So I am doing and saying things without reservation, hesitation, or fear. It’s truly freeing!!!! And it’s all good stuff. I’m not just saying anything, I’m speaking from the throne of grace… because it’s not me. I’m not in control, but I’ve put my trust in the one who is. I’m finding that a word in due season, is very sweet, and people are being uplifted just by a simple smile their way.

So though I started this blog off as a struggle I had with my mouth, and I’m sure I’ll still have my moments, those moments are getting further and further apart because as we bask in His love and His Kingdom and His truth, then what falls out of our mouth will demonstrate that.

(And of course, we do know who can tame our tongue, and that is the Lord Jesus and His Word IN us.)

Here is an old indian saying that I believe says it all. “If your heart is filled with fire, then sparks will fly out of your mouth.”

If we are standing on the Word, we don’t need to stand on the Word

October 7, 2011

That is a mouthful. Well, one day I was sharing with my husband that someone was telling me that they are standing on a particular scripture. He simply said to me, “If you are standing on the Word, you don’t need to STAND on the Word.” He explained to me that if we truly believe the Word, then just believe it, live as though it’s true, and that way you don’t have to toot any horn what you are doing. We both agree that people do this to either convince themselves or others of their intentions. But “intentions” is not what God requires, He requires us to “do” and “believe” and “live” what He says.

Some time ago I learned something about people from my husband. He said, “When people say what they are NOT going to do, that’s probably exactly what they are going to do.” As I pondered on that I began seeing that as truth. I would hear someone say, “I’m not the kind of person that does this or that.” And then no more than an hour goes by, that’s exactly what they just did or said!  See if for yourself…  it’s very true. I’ve even caught myself doing this at times.

My husband said, “They don’t need to proclaim anything, anytime someone proclaims it, they are not doing it.” He said they just need to do it… live it…. be it…. then they are it and the fruit follows.

I do recall the scripture that say, “Speak those things that are not as though they are.” This applies to people who are speaking things out that God is doing, not what they are doing.

This is definately food for thought.

I am NOT in Control!

October 7, 2011

Well, I’m sure we’ve all said this and even know this to be true in our lives. I have said it over and over for the past 38 years of my Christian life, knowing God is in control. However, I seemed to at times, think that I am the one in control! The reason I say that is because of how things turned out sometimes.

I remember helping a lady find an apartment to live in. It was a fiasco! I made more of a mess than did any good because I got in there and “tried” to help. I was actually controlling the situation, and trying to make things happen. Because I love the Lord, He always turns things out for good, so the end of that story was a good ending, but the way we got there wasn’t very fun. There are other instances where I got my hands in there, thinking I was helping, but only hindering or getting in God’s way.

Several years ago I started a fellowship called, “The meeting place.” It didn’t last but 6 months, but I thought that’s what God wanted me to do. Well, actually, I felt I needed to DO something… and thought that was it. Can’t blame God for that one! (smile). But what happened, is I tried making something happen. Yes, I had a call on my life to teach so I thought the natural course was to have a church. But that’s not what God wanted for me, he wanted me to stay unnattached to a building so He can move me around. It reminds me of Abraham and Sarah. Abraham was promised a son, but Sara didn’t think it possible, so she got in there and “did” something, she had Hagar her handmaiden to have a son with Abraham for her. Well, you know the end of that story, she simply made a mess, yet a son did eventually come, but what pain had to come. Sara didn’t wait on God…  and sometimes, though we see what He wants us to do, we don’t wait either and that is when we find ourself in a mess.

I thought I was “doing” the Word… but what I was really doing was trying to figure God out and put Him in a nice little box with a bow on top. I needed to see the start to the finish!  I needed to see the whole picture, then I’d be completely happy and at peace. So by my getting involved in things, I could “try” making that happen. How self deceived I was.   I realized that God cannot be put in a box with a bow on top!  When we do that, we leave God out completely and limit Him to do amazing things! But good came out of this situation, just like Abraham and Hagar, because I met someone who has become a dear friend to me, and without that “exercise” I may not have met her. Because God knew my heart to only do what I felt was right, He used what I did and turned it for good. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

I liken Him as a GPS. He always knows my position, and when I take a wrong turn, He always recalculates my position and gives me new direction to get me where He wants me to be. He never gets mad at me or yells at me or hits me on the head. He just says, “Recalculating” and redirects my steps. We all need to remember this, that way we won’t continue getting mad at ourselves for making wrong choices… believe God will recalculate, believe His is loving and forgiving always.

Well, a week or two ago I was driving along with my husband and was telling him something, I cannot even remember what it was then all of a sudden he says to me, “What makes you think you are in charge?” I looked at him as if to say, “I know…” but at that moment, it finally hit me and I said back to him with tears… “I am not in control!”  It was like a light went off… and my heart changed in that moment to truly trusting God in all things. Yes, I have trusted God, and believed Him, but it was like I was placed INSIDE His arms, His Kingdom, and His presence. Instantly became REAL to me, more real than touching anything on this planet.

Since that time, I’ve seen Him move… not me… in areas that I could never have done myself!!!!   One area was that I had wanted to see my grandchildren before the end of the year and I just couldn’t fly there again with all the commitments I have… Then 2 days ago my daughter in law and I were talking and she said, “We want to come there for Thanksgiving.” What a miracle!!  So they’ll be coming soon!!! Something I never even thought of or had even hoped for or even planned out, this was entirely God’s doing!

Here is another:  I’m in the middle of the biggest “believing God” thing of my life because this one is completely out of my hands. The house next door is vacant, and that alone is a miracle. See, three years ago someone built this house, and it was very upsetting to my husband and I because he built it so close to our house. We live in the country, and when he built his house next door, I cried for days because it was a stones throw away from mine, I didn’t understand why the Lord gave us this place only to have a neighbor sit on top of us. Then as I was standing out there looking at the house, I asked God why, and within seconds I heard so clearly, “Because that house was built for you.” See, my heart is to have a ministry place for people to come. I had opened my own house for years for retreats, but really needed an off-site facility, and this was a perfect fit. So now 3 years later, this possibility is here. AND… it had nothing to do with me! I didn’t make the guy move, he lost his house to foreclosure. I started praying for him after hearing about that, but this was completely out of my hands. I heard the Lord clearly say, “Do not be concerned with the activity you see over there, wait…. on me.” And so I am going to do just that, because inside I want to go and do something. Now, I will do what God has instructed me to do, not just go and try do do some stuff to make it happen. If God has promised it to me, it will come… my pushing it can mess things up! So, the waiting has begun.. ouch.

So, that’s where that is right now, I’ll update you on that when all is said and done. But again, here is an opportunity to keep my hands off it unless He asks me to do something.

Wow… it’s so freeing to follow His lead and trust Him in all things.

Just things like that…  See, the other day I prayed, “Father, I just want to live IN the Kingdom ON earth…” And that’s exactly what is happening…  Everything looks differently, I see things clearer, there is no fear or torment or frustration there… it’s absolute peace, because I am truly becoming more confident in my Lord. It’s not that I’ll get everything I want, as a matter of fact I had a bad spell the other day… it’s that NO MATTER WHAT He’s God… and He is there… always… surrounding me with His love, protection, and peace. See, I’ve felt Him for years and years, but this is different, not only do I KNOW He is surrounding me, I am experiencing this.

So I asked myself, what changed? I know many people want to “feel” God and truly know He’s got it all handled but have a hard time believing that sometimes. I really don’t have that answer because if I did, I would be trying to figure God out again and control the situation…, because I cannot figure God out nor put a 1-2-3 step on this… I cannot say. All I know is that when I asked God to help me live IN heaven ON earth, things began happening. See, I’ve been teaching love and forgiveness for over 18 years… and now I’m reaping what I have sown, because the very things I’ve taught, I’m now getting to live. Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.