The secret to 25 years of marriage AND an update!

UPDATE:  I was talking with my mom and sharing with her what I shared in this blog. And when I told her that the secret is to honest with each other, she said, “But there are things you can’t tell each other.” And I said, “But when I hold back from Tom, I feel like I’m lying.” My mother, and many like her, lived by that golden rule… keep everything inside. No wonder so many elderly have alzheimers, dementia, and more. The cost for living in secret is very high. Scriptures say, “What you have in secret will be shouted on the roof tops.” Because evenutally the truth does come out. For example, when someone is adopted. They don’t tell them until they are grown, and there is a lot of resentment that comes with that lie. So, again, I tell Tom everything. And it keeps the devil away. Because any time, no matter how big or small the secret is, gives the enemy something to use against us! Be not ignorant of his devices….

Original post:

Tom and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary yesterday. We took a drive around Lake Tahoe. We found a quaint little restaurant right ON the water.. I mean, water was on each side of us. What a find that was. As we were being seated I told the waitress it was our 25th wedding anniversary. She asked me what the secret to our success was. And I said that we don’t tell each other what to do, and forgive every day. (Of course there is much more than that, but just said those two things.) And then she asked Tom what the secret was to our successful marriage. And in his wise and witty way responded with, “There are not secrets.” He said that we have no secrets between us, we tell each other everything.

This is so true. If we held any secrets against each other, resentment and fear and anger could build up in time. That’s why so many get divorced at our age. Couples didn’t realize that keeping things from each other is a building block that begins to build a wall of separation between them. And before you know it, they don’t know what happened. Their only response is to get divorced.

My husband and I do a 6 month evaluation. We sit down every six months and ask each other this question: “Are you doing what you want to be doing?” Sometimes we start living for each other so much, that we forgot to do the things we desire, and that can also cause a rift in marriages. I know so many women when their husbands passed away, they started “living.” Shouldn’t they have been “living” all along? Because for whatever reasons, they just went along in life, not living what they wanted to live. It’s not that they don’t submit to their husband or things, but in a GOOD marriage the husband is to nurture and encourage the wife to be all she can be too! And that’s what I realized my husband has done. The reason for these blogs, or the books I’ve written, or helping thousands of people on the website, having this ministry, or even learning to ride a motorcycle has been because my husband has encouraged me to live and be all I can in this lifetime.

So, being honest with each other and encouraging each other in  hopes and dreams is not a secret to  success, but a necessity to success.

Scriptures tell us to honor our husbands, and for husbands to love their wives. I believe what I shared has fulfilled this passage. Because I honor my husband more and more every day as he loves me unconditionally and nurtures and encourages me every day.